I sat watching the World Series game between the Boston Red Sox and my dad’s beloved St. Louis Cardinals. For the 7th inning stretch everyone around the stadium, including all the players, fans, and even those working – the cameramen and umpires – stood holding signs with names on them.
The signs read “Standing up for…”
Many filled in the blank with: Mom, Dad, Grandma, or Grandpa. And as I sat and watched the camera pan the crowd, I couldn’t stop the tears as they welled up in my eyes and slowly spilled over onto my cheeks.
My husband looked at me with his sad, understanding-but-not-really-understanding look that he gives me when I start to cry. He’s not really the crying type.
But I will never forget how his voice broke and tears streamed down his face as he stood at the podium at my dad’s memorial service and shared everything that my dad meant to him. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the place as he shared that we would be naming our third child, still growing in my belly at the time, Blair, after my dad. David Blair Sutton.
My hands shake and the screen is blurry as I type this because I still grieve and ache for my father. He was an amazing man; husband, father, Papa, brother, uncle, doctor, and friend.
It still seems so unfair to me that he was taken from this world. Too soon. He died a week before his 60 birthday. My sisters and I are too young to be without a father. My kids and my nephew are too young to be without their Papa.
But, as much as my grief still weighs down on me, my dad is not the point of this post. What stole him from us is.
Cancer.
Gosh I hate that word.
As I continued to watch all the names on the cards held up in the stadium that night, my tears became hot, my cheeks flushed, and I got mad. Crying, ugly, yelling at the TV mad.
What was the point of it all?! While I’m all for honoring the memory of those we have lost to this horrific disease, how does holding a sign with a name actually do anything to “Stand up to cancer”?! Is it preventing someone somewhere from hearing the words, “I’m sorry, it’s cancer.”? I doubt it.
Honestly, I am so, so sick of all of the “raising money for cancer awareness and research” campaigns that seem to be going on everywhere you turn these days. Stop standing with signs in a stadium, as if it makes a difference.
Stop plastering pink ribbons on everything from food packages to beauty products (which ironically, or not depending on how you look at it, contain toxins and chemicals which may actually cause cancer.) Stop making professional sports players wear pink socks and shoes for Breast Cancer Awareness month in October, as if it prevents a women from hearing that dreaded diagnosis.
Stop giving money to cancer “research”, when who knows what that money is even going toward.
Now it’s November which is known as No-Shave-November and Movember – when guys don’t shave and/or grow a moustache in “support” of Prostate Cancer Awareness month, which is the type of cancer my dad died from.
I’m still trying to figure out how not shaving, or growing a mustache, supports anything except ugly facial hair? As if it keeps a man from getting prostate cancer. (News flash: it doesn’t. My dad had a pretty sweet ‘stache.)
I’m so sick of all of it because, hello, we’re all pretty damn well aware of cancer. I think every person reading this has been touched by cancer, whether in their immediate or extended family or someone very close to them. Cancer is everywhere.
We don’t need to be made more aware of it. We cannot get away from it.
We cannot get away from it because statistics show that one out of two men, and one out of three women, will develop cancer in our lifetime. That’s not very good odds. Around 1.6 million people will be diagnosed with cancer and around 577,000 people will die of the disease this year.
The problem is that we’ve been fighting the “war on cancer” for over 40 years and have very little, if anything, to show for it, except for skyrocketing treatments costs.
The problem is that we are spending upwards of $124 billion to treat cancer in the US every year. And treatment basically consists of the same cut, poison, and burn method that’s been relatively ineffective for the past 50 years.
One of the newer prostate cancer treatments called Provenge, which my dad actually received in the fall before he died, costs close to $100,000 and has only been shown to extend life expectancy by 4 months.
Would I want to give those 4 months that I had with my dad back (if the treatment did in fact work in that sense)? Of course not.
But I also can’t help but think that there has to be a better way.
I can’t go back and undo my dad’s diagnosis, treatment, and death. But I can do something to move forward in a different way. Standing up to cancer in a way that puts an emphasis on prevention and cure, and not just “awareness and research”.
And so I’ve begun reading and researching about the cancer industry, treatment, and alternative treatments. It is like an unbelievably deep and dark rabbit hole. But I’m standing over that hole, and I’m ready to jump. I hope to be able to share with you what I’m learning in the coming weeks and months.
How has your life been touched by cancer?
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Dang, girl. You made me tear up AND be inspired all in less than – what, 1000? – words. This is good, Em. So, so brave and good. I’m proud of you for sharing this and I’m so inspired by you. xoxoxoxo.
Thank you sweet friend!!
Thank you, Emily! It is nice to hear someone else share my concerns with cancer awareness campaigns. I have also felt like it isn’t really necessary. EVERYONE knows about cancer. Of course there are some more rare types that could use some more time in the spotlight in order to get more funding, but as a whole those pink socks you mentioned aren’t really helping much.
Where is the prevention campaigns? The warnings against every day toxins?
I look forward to hearing more about what you have learned.
Yes – the warning about everyday toxins – so nonexistent in mainstream media! It’s so frustrating!
I am sitting beside you in the sadness and the anger, friend. I effing hate cancer so much. Who doesn’t, though, right?! PREVENTION. What can we be actively doing? I so look forward to reading what you uncover. Have you watched Food Matters? It was on Netflix for a long time – not sure if it’s still there. I’ve decided in my heart that if I get a cancer diagnosis, I will start with high dosage vitamin therapy first.
I am so, so sorry for your dad’s loss. It sucks, it’s not fair, and I hate it. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
Yes, Food Matters is awesome – I should probably watch it again, it’s been awhile. It’s so hard to think about what we would do if we received a cancer diagnosis, but I think you are so right to have already decided ahead of time. That is part of the change of mindset that we need – not waiting until we’re sitting in the doctor’s office hearing those dreaded words and in that emotional and vulnerable state and trying to make rational decisions, but having an idea ahead of time about different treatment options.
I believe cancer is from our toxic environment. We were not created to ingest, breath, and put on our skin toxic chemicals. Dr. Oz had a great show on yesterday about pesticides in our food and how they are spraying food with even larger doses of chemicals now since the bugs and weeds are getting resistance to the pesticides. If pesticides kill bugs and weeds, don’t you think they can kill us?
Yes, we must work to remove toxins from our environment as much as we can, both for the healthy of the planet and for our personal health!
Am a four year survivor of uterine cancer. Just got word I now have breast cancer. More testing to go next week before I know what the rest of the plan is. Please pray for my family. Have a husband who is disabled and raising 3 young teens.
Jackie,
Praying for you & your family. Sending you hugs, too!
Dear Jackie,
I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this. I do hope that you will look into alternative treatment methods. I watched a documentary called Healing Cancer Naturally (I purchased it on Amazong) that was very eye-opening. I will pray for you and your family as you walk this difficult road!
In Him,
~Emily
My dad died of cancer Nov 3, 2011. You’ve hit the nail on the head with this post. We’re already all aware. I can totally relate to everything that you said, even that look from my hubby. 😉
Thank you Sheri. I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart. My family has been greatly affected by cancer. Everyday I see their pain. Everyday I feel their pain. Everyday I see not only the fear, but also the hope in their eyes. You see, I’m the reason behind their pain, fear & hope because I have breast cancer.
I HATE this disease. I HATE seeing my family hurt. I HATE the fact that mom has to have others care for me instead of me doing what a wife & mom are supposed to do. I HATE that my son worries about me so much that he sleeps on the floor next to my bed. I HATE, HATE, HATE that we are so broke due to the costs associated with this beast that at times I worry my family won’t have food to get us through the month. I HATE I have had one complication after another due to the poison I was given to kill the cancer ONLY to find out the treatments themselves can give you cancer. I HATE so much about this blasted beast. I wouldn’t even wish cancer on satan himself!
While I agree with you 100%, I will admit that I plan to be healthy enough to do the 3-day walk in Atlanta next year. My friends & family plan to join me, even my mother who will be 86 if she is able. We will be the large group with the most outlandish outfits passing out the information about the cause of cancer.
The truth is the government & big business don’t want you to know the cause because it will affect their pocketbooks! I have consistently been researching & the things I’m learning infuriates me to the point that I’ve purchased my domain & hosting to be able to share my journey & my findings.
I am more than happy to share what I’ve learned.
Joyfully,
Dolly
Dolly, thank you so much for sharing with us. I am so glad to hear that you will be walking with your family in Atlanta next year. I would love to hear more about what you have learned and are sharing with others about the causes of cancer.
~Emily
Wow! I’m so thankful and proud to call you my daughter-in-law. Your dad was an amazing man and I miss him too. I will never forget listening to my son talk about his wonderful father-in-law at his funeral. I was sobbing. You are right about the emphasis of the war on cancer should be on prevention. Thanks for this honest blog post. Let’s all learn more. I love you. What a great woman you are! Keep blogging!
Thank you, Susan! Love you too!! xoxo
I came to your site from a link on another and I’m so glad I did. Your words hit very close to home. I lost my mom to breast cancer about 2 years ago. She was 61 years old. While she made it to my wedding ( I got married in June and she died in December) as I hold my infant son it saddens me greatly that they will never meet. My mom never got into the “pink” thing. She didn’t want the cancer to define her as much as the fact that she was a mother a wife and even bigger than that a Christian. She was a big advocate for early prevention and for support groups. She kicked herself a while because she did not find her cancer sooner ( something she eventually was able to let go of) and she was an active member of a cancer support group that initially she gained support from and later as her cancer processed she was able to pay it forward and give support to others. I think it gave her a purpose in the midst of her disease that she really needed. I am much more inclined to give my money to things like that rather than a big campaign where I am not sure where my support is going. Like you I wish I could find a way to truly make a real difference. Thank you for your words!
Thank you for sharing your story with us Joyanna. I’m so sorry for your loss!
Great post! I strongly agree that “awareness” campaigns aren’t doing much of anything positive and so often are connected to wasting money on some kind of junk that may actually be contributing to our toxic environment!!! Every fall there are college girls standing around my neighborhood “raising awareness” about breast cancer by wearing tight T-shirts with slogans printed across their breasts and collecting money–two years ago, I tried talking to them about where the money goes, and they didn’t even really know; they were just like, “Give money if you agree cancer is bad!” Aargh.
Both my grandmothers died of cancer when I was in my teens. They were both over 70 and ready to go, but still, it was a painful, awful way to die. My maternal grandmother was one of my best friends, and *I* was nowhere near ready to have her go from seemingly healthy to dead in just a little over a year. I wish our lives had overlapped more.
My mom was diagnosed with leukemia when I was 8 months pregnant with my first child. But it turns out to be chronic leukemia, which means it can go on for years being detectable in tests but not causing symptoms. Mom has been diligently drinking her green tea, and it seems to help–after 9 years, her white cell counts are great! At this rate, she might die of something else before the leukemia gets her, and meanwhile she gets to enjoy her grandchildren.
I had my first mammogram in the summer and was called back for a biopsy, but it turned out to be a harmless lump. Whew!! I learned that mammograms should be done in the first two weeks of your menstrual cycle when possible, for best results.
Thanks for sharing ‘Becca!
Thank you for this honest post!!! I am right there with you in your anger. My dad had his 1st round with cancer when I was in 4th grade. He fought for 12 years until he was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. My aunt is a breast cancer survivor, and 3 of my college housemates have battled different forms of cancer. So I am beyond aware of this horrible disease. I am ready to find some answers…I look forward to reading your findings. Thank you!!!
I lost my father to cancer 4 years ago. I agree with everything you said, I have thought the same thing many times, but lack the grace you showed in your article. I look forward to reading what you are learning. Over the last 4 years I have leapt into the journey of research and thankfully there are many stories of healing. The shocking thing to me is the places I found comfort and turned to for help prior to loosing my father are now the places I am very cautious on accepting their advice. I don’t think $$ should dictate recommendations, but that is all personal. Best wishes in your journey. I am sorry for your loss.
Emily, thank you so much for sharing your experience, story, emotions and research. I completely agree with you that “awareness” is totally pointless. Like Megan said, prevention has to start getting more press, although as we all know that is unlikely because it will be less of a moneymaker for the big-wigs. hugs, friend.
I too have been affected by cancer, My mom died from cancer at 42. She had fought it when I too young to remember. She hated chemo so much (it was different in 1986). They are doing so much more now and a lot of research is more possible now. The loss is too much at times, yet I doubt also if anyone gets through life without knowing someone who died from cancer. I hear a lot of research now going into natural ways to fight cancer but you will not hear it from your family doctor. Many holistic doctors are doing their own research. I do wish it wasn’t as far reaching as it is.
I recently saw a fascinating chart in the Atlantic about how life expectancy in the US is 40 YEARS longer today than it was in 1880. Back in 1880, the average life expectancy was just under 40 years. Can you even imagine? Heart disease and cancer have been the top two causes of death since 1940, but it’s no wonder since both are diseases that have higher occurrences in people over 40. I have personally been affected by cancer (husband is a melanoma survivor, have a close friend who lost her husband to testicular cancer, etc.), but it seems to me that with our greatly enhanced life expectancies, it is an unavoidable fact that cancer is going to affect more people. I guess instead of feeling angry, I personally feel grateful for the dramatic improvement in both life expectancy and quality of life we have seen because of the various medical advances of the past 100 years. It is highly unlikely that my husband would still be alive had he been born 50 years earlier. Or 20. Maybe even 10.
Of course, medicine is far from “perfect,” and this life is still fraught with death and disease, but isn’t that the nature of this mortal life? You said there has to be a “better way.” I wonder if the “better way” is a change in perspective as to how we LIVE– loving others better; helping each other find freedom from fear and hate; practicing an intentional attitude of gratefulness, regardless of the circumstances; choosing to see beauty and “tender mercies” everywhere we look, even when it’s hard; teaching our kids they can do hard things, etc.– AND in how we die. I’ve been reading a lot on dying well, something our culture seems to have forgotten as we continue to “sterilize” the death process. I highly recommend the book, “The Art of Dying,” by Rob Moll. I understand cancer making people angry b/c of it’s prevalence, but death from any cause is hard and painful. And often unexpected… or the opposite: long and painful. But it’s also unavoidable. I wonder if the “better” we’re all looking for is to put our energies into living AND dying well.
A link to the Atlantic chart, if anyone is interested: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/11/die-another-day/309541/
The Art of Dying: http://www.rakuten.com/prod/the-art-of-dying-living-fully-into-the-life-to-come/213478971.html?listingId=226262249&s_kwcid=
Thank you for saying the words many want to but fear to. I lost my dad to a heart attack when I was 15 and my mom to cancer when I was 29. I can’t help but believe its a convoluted system where toxins are put in our food and personal care products almost to intentionally cause cancer so the drug companies can “treat” the disease and become richer. Sure feels that way.
I agree with EVERYTHING you said regarding the cancer industry. I look forward to reading about all you learn.
Thank you for your honesty, there are so few people who actually tell it like it is. I lost my father to bladder cancer when i was 16.. he was 54. I still get choked up when my boys ask me where there other grandpa is and why they don’t have two. I want a cure, not “research”. Thank you… just thank you.
Emily, you are so right. Cancer sucks. My dad was diagnosed at 47 and died of complications from his cancer when he was 50. I was 25 and its been 12 1/2 years. My oldest was 2 1/2 and doesn’t remember him. None of my other kids were born yet. My dad loved and lived for his family. I am so incredibly sad that he never met them on this side of heaven. I am still grieving and a part of me will never feel whole. I really struggle with it. It’s the hardest thing I have ever lived through. I see all of the pink ribbons and stand up to cancer stuff and all it looks like to me is people wanting to look PC and compassionate. I’m sure there are people that are truly heartfelt but seriously, pink sneakers on football players just looks goofy and is more $ down the toilet. They wear their pink stuff for a month. Please keep us updated on what you are doing and how you are going about researching the whole thing. I would love to hear about it!
Wow – so strange that I find myself on your blog for the first time tonight. I’m so sorry for your loss. I truly feel your pain and agree wholeheartedly with your summary on cancer and the industry it has become. I often wonder how we have not come up with a cure after so many years. The only conclusion that I keep coming to is that if we had a cure there would be an entire industry that would shut down. Millions upon millions of dollars would be lost. Money does indeed make the world go round.
Tomorrow (which is actually only 25mins away) would have been my dad’s 75th birthday. He died almost 3 yrs ago. Mesothelioma. I can’t say that toxins in his recent daily life contributed to his death as his was a cancer that lay dormant for many many years. His death sentence was dished out most likely before I was even born. After first having a lung removed a couple of months prior to his 70th birthday, he spent 6 months recovering physically whilst spiralling into a deep dark depressive state that I had never seen before. When he finally came up for air he jumped onto the chemotherapy roundabout. And when several hits of that didn’t work he agreed to be a guinea pig for some experimental drugs. Finally, 2.5 years after his diagnosis he was out of his misery. Thank goodness.
What a sad way for such an amazing man to spend the end of his life. RIP to our dear old dads – taken from us far too soon.
Blessings