Me with my girls
So the past few weeks have definitely been an adjustment for our new family of five. Overall we are doing well, but there are those moments where I do wonder what I’ve gotten myself into!
Although I have had some days of the baby blues where I’ve just felt totally overwhelmed, (my postpartum hormones are crazy all over the place!), for the most part, I have felt better the past three weeks since Blair was born then I felt the whole nine months previously!
I remember saying to Jer sometime during my first trimester that I thought I had pregnancy depression. At the time, I didn’t really realize there was such a thing, but now I know that it is a very real thing, and something that many expecting mamas deal with.
The thing for me was not that I was so seriously depressed, but that I just didn’t feel like my normal self. I felt unmotivated and uninspired. I kind of always felt like my head was in a fog. I just really don’t feel good when I’m pregnant, and I definitely don’t enjoy being pregnant.
One reason that I struggled so much with blogging on a regular basis was I just didn’t feel like I could put two coherent sentences together. And while I usually have so many ideas for posts that I don’t even have time to write them all, while pregnant my mind felt empty – there were no ideas, no inspiration. My mind just felt like mush.
In talking about it with my midwife both while I was pregnant, and now since having the baby, she said that she would rather have women say that they don’t feel good while pregnant, because then they usually don’t struggle with postpartum depression as often. She says because the pregnancy hormones don’t mix well with them, she doesn’t worry as much about them after the baby is born.
I am so thankful that I haven’t experienced PPD after either of my other children were born, and my husband and I are making sure that we take precautions to keep my baby blues from turning into PPD this time around.
So, while the surge in post-pregnancy hormones does sometimes makes me feel like a little bit like I’m on a roller coaster, between the days I feel great and feel like I can face the world again and the few days I’ve cried and cried and couldn’t really tell you why, mostly I feel like I’m coming back to life again.
Coming Out of the Fog
I feel like a switch has been turned on in my brain and all the sudden I can think clearly again. The fog has lifted. I feel motivated in a way I haven’t felt in a long time. My mind is full again of post ideas and inspiration. I joked with Jer the other day that I have so many things that I want to do and to write about, but I just don’t have the uninterrupted time to actually do them! There’s the part of me that’s just itching to do all of the things that I have missed doing for so long. I know it’s so important that I take it slow though, I am still recovering from giving birth after all!
It’s a good problem to have though, I guess. I would rather have too many ideas and too much inspiration than none at all. I’m feeling good, because I’m feeling like myself again. And even though having three kiddos is definitely challenging at times, it’s okay, and I’m okay, because I know this is a season, and I know that I have the ability to handle it.
I may talk more about my experience with pregnancy depression, but for now I want other mamas out there to know that if you’re pregnant and feeling like you’re struggling with depression, lack of motivation, and just not feeling like yourself, you are not alone, and what you’re feeling is real. I want to encourage you that there is light at the end of the tunnel because you won’t be pregnant forever. And soon you’ll be holding your little babe in your arms and you’ll remember what it feels like to be yourself again, and you’ll feel the fog begin to lift. And it is such a good feeling.
Did you struggle with lack of motivation or feelings of depression while pregnant? I would love to hear about ways that you dealt with your pregnancy depression naturally!
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Joy L. says
Pretty cool of you to be so vulnerable, Emily. I definitely had bouts of pregnancy blues the second time around. It can make you wonder what is wrong with you. Happy to hear things are clearing up for you! 🙂 blessings!
Yes, this is EXACTLY how I felt while pregnant, but I couldn’t quite put it into words! There were days when I just felt almost like a zombie. Just not with it at all. I didn’t want to do anything that required thinking or focusing, I just couldn’t. I completely understand where you are coming from! I also never really struggled with much post partum issues either. Thanks for sharing! 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story. I also had depression during my pregnancy. It was so bad that I even had very dark and scary thoughts. My OB decided to try anti-depressants during the pregnancy to prevent me from hurting myself or the baby. Once I delivered my perfect little one I was fine and never had those feelings again. I had never heard of women being depressed during their pregnancy, just after. Thank you for helping others understand something that is not well understood.
Emily @ Live Renewed says
Thanks for sharing your experience Nicole!
Melissa J says
Oh, I am so glad to gear I wasn’t crazy. LO is now 4 months and her whole pregnancy I felt “down the entire time. In fact, I clearly remember calling my mother-in -law and crying telling her “something was off”. The next week we called to tell them we where pregnant. 🙂 Granted the whole pregnancy was charged with family drama, my childhood crush dying and another close death within the 9 months. I cried one day for about 3 hours straight. While getting supper ready for my hubby and 2 other children. Thank you so much for shedding some light on a very real problem. And congrats on your precious new little one.
Emily @ Live Renewed says
Thanks for sharing your story Melissa. Obviously I had other issues going on during my pregnancy too, with the death of my father, and I’m sure that didn’t help the feelings of depression I was having. It is a real problem, and I think the more we are willing to be open and talk about it, the more women will be able to find the help and support that they need. Hope you’re feeling better now with your sweet little one!
THANK YOU for sharing. I had no idea that other women experienced this! Things that helped me feel more in control were keeping a structure to my day, with daily devotions/quiet time and daily walks and a little exercise. If I let those things slide, my emotions would plummet FAST. Eating junk food always made it worse, too.
DH is trying to convince me to be pregnant one more time, and I am already trying to prepare myself mentally for that possibility. I know that in the middle of it I’ll have little motivation to help myself.