Laboring in our bedroom
It’s kind of hard for me to believe that when I gave birth to Blair at home that I entered a very small minority of women who have had a home birth. I don’t feel like some radical, crazy, or super-woman. I also don’t feel like we made some totally unconventional decision, and having a home birth really felt so natural to me.
But the reality is that even though home births are on the rise in the US, still only around one percent of women choose to give birth at home. I sometimes wonder if the prevalence of home birth among the “natural living” blogosphere makes it feel like there are more women giving birth at home, for those of us who read lots of natural living blogs, and if that has had any effect on the increase in popularity of home birthing?
I know for me, reading other’s home birth stories – women who I read about their lives and families on a regular basis and feel like I kind of “know” them – made me feel much more comfortable with the concept and gave me a stronger belief in myself that I could have my baby at home.
But, if you would have told me 5 years ago when I was pregnant with our first child that I would have a home birth with my third baby, I probably would have looked at you like you’d grown a third eye. I would have told you you were crazy.
It’s funny how life sometimes often takes us in a direction that we had no idea that we’d be going, isn’t it?!
So, I wanted to share a little bit about how we came to decision to have a home birth this time around. It really wasn’t some long drawn-out process. It was actually a pretty easy decision that just seemed like the natural and right thing for us.
Our Beliefs About Birth
I think first of all, and most importantly, our beliefs about how a healthy pregnancy and birth should be handled have changed over the years. I had watched The Business of Being Born after my first daughter was born, and was appalled at the way that most births are managed in the hospital, with time limits and all of the interventions, and just the overall sense that a mother’s body doesn’t really know how to give birth to a baby.
I was so thankful that I had managed to have the natural birth experience that I wanted in the hospital, but the seeds of home birth had been planted in my mind and heart.
I truly believe that for a normal and healthy pregnancy, that a woman’s body is able to give birth without needing much, if any, outside interventions, beyond the continuous support of her husband and a qualified labor team who monitors her and the baby during labor. Reading Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth during this pregnancy really confirmed this for me as well, and I even got Jer to read parts of the book before I went into labor!
Birth is a natural and normal process, and a laboring woman should be treated with respect and care, not pushed through a system that is trying to make things as easy as possible for the doctors and hospital staff.
Blair was born in our bedroom, right next to our bed.
I’d Already Tried the Other Options
When I was pregnant with Brenden, Jer was still not on board with the idea of a home birth, and I wasn’t completely sure I was either. I switched from an OB to a midwife that did hospital births, and thought that would give me the best of both worlds – a natural birth with a midwife, but in a hospital just in case anything should happen.
After Bren’s birth, I just kind of felt like I could’ve stayed home and that things could’ve gone a little more smoothly. To make a long story short, we had a good experience with our midwife, but my labor seemed to stall once we arrived at the hospital making things a little more difficult.
I won’t go into all the details, but we also had a pretty bad experience with the doctor my midwife worked with, who was on-call over the weekend that I was in the hospital. And honestly, I didn’t want to risk that my midwife would be out of town and that I would have to deliver with that doctor the next time.
When I got pregnant again, I knew I didn’t want to go back to the same midwife, but there were really no other options for midwives who practiced at the hospital in our area, and I definitely didn’t want to go back to a regular OB. There is a birth center in a town about 45 minutes away, but I didn’t think driving that far in the middle of labor sounded like a very fun idea.
Jer agreed with me, and had warmed up to the idea of a home birth, which I had decided I really wanted to try this time. He had seen me give birth naturally twice and had more trust in the process of birth, and more understanding that a safe birth doesn’t have to occur in a hospital.
I contacted two midwives who do home births in our area and met with each of them, and then chose the one who I felt the most comfortable with, and that was that – we were planning to have this baby at home.
The Cost
And finally, the cost was definitely a determining factor for us in choosing a home birth. Even with insurance, when you have a hospital birth you have to pay for all of your prenatal care, and then also pay for your, and the baby’s, hospital birth and care.
Although our insurance did not cover home birth at all, our midwife charged one fee for all of my prenatal and postnatal care, and the birth itself. So, it was cheaper for us to pay out of pocket for the home birth than to pay our co-pay and deductibles for a hospital birth. (I don’t want to get into the whole insurance thing, but really, if insurance companies want to cut their costs, they should support home births, instead of refusing to cover them all together!)
The Right Choice for Us
I really wasn’t trying to buck the system. But I have also lost a lot of faith in our conventional system of hospital birth. I hadn’t had bad hospital birth experiences, but I thought I could have an even better experience at home.
I really wanted to be able to relax and be comfortable at my own house during my whole labor. I wanted to get into my own bed after my baby was born, and spend the first night together as a family with my hubs and our new baby, unlike at the hospital where the husband has to sleep on one of those uncomfortable chair/bed things. In fact, my hubs didn’t even sleep in the hospital with me after Brenden was born, he went back to our house to help take care of our daughter.
I admit that part of me thought that having a home birth would mean that labor would be smoother, quicker, and less painful. Although I do think it went really smoothly, it was definitely NOT quicker or less painful! But that’s okay, because I was still at home, which was exactly where I wanted to be.
Overall, we feel like we made the best decision for ourselves, for our new baby, and for our family, and if I were to get pregnant again, we would definitely plan to have another home birth, as long as everything was healthy and normal during my pregnancy, of course.
Have you had, or have you considered having a home birth? What were your deciding factors, or do you have any questions that have been holding you back that I can try to answer for you?
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So glad to hear your perspective, we obviously believe that God is the one in control of birth and that we need to trust Him at each step. So happy that you had a lovely homebirth for your sweet gift and such a great name. Can’t wait to catch up with you soon…the days are full, I know. We are counting down, 7 weeks give or take until our little one is arriving.
With our third baby we also decided to have a home birth, initially I wanted one with #2 but chose the midwife in a hospital that had acess to a waterbirth, and continued to see her through week 37 with #3 when the office dropped me as a pt. (mostly because I didn’t want certain interventions). We ended up with freebirthing (unassisted) in our bathtub with just my husband and myself. It was the most comfortable birthing experience do far and hope when #4 gets here in November it’s just as wonderful.
I really appreciate that you wrote this from a “this worked for me, here are the things that went into my decision” point of view. I’m so tired of reading blogs that tell women that anyone who doesn’t give birth at home is a spineless, weak-minded woman blinded by The Man and who doesn’t deserve to be called a mother. You didn’t shove your opinions down anyone’s throat and I really appreciate that.
That said, I wish I could have a home birth. My MIL is an obstetrician (you would think that would be perfect for a home birth, right? wrong. she wants to be sure I can have a c-section at a moment’s notice if I have to.) This would be my first and I don’t think I could do a home birth without prior experience. But I do like the idea of a birthing center. So many women like you are giving me the confidence to say that this isn’t a medical procedure and I don’t need a doctor, just another qualified professional. Now I just need the confidence to tell my MIL that it’s not her decision!
I’m enjoying your blog a lot. Congratulations on baby Blair!
Thanks for your kind words Joanna. I do strive to write in a way that is simply sharing my experience and not presenting it as fact or truth. I’m not sure I could have done a home birth with my first baby either. There’s just so much unknown about how your body will respond to labor and what labor actually feels like, and although it’s important to be in a comfortable setting, I’m not sure I would have felt completely comfortable at home. I think a birth center is a great idea if there is one near you. I really think that our country needs to see more birth centers opening up where women can give birth in a supportive and comfortable environment and still have access to emergency equipment if needed.
I have considered a home birth for my next baby. Just like you, I slowly progressed from OB to midwife and now hospital to home, (I hope). My biggest factor is my husband’s objections to the “mess” to clean up afterwards. Do you have any tips/advice on how to clean up the mess and how your husband overcame that obstacle, because I’m almost sure he didn’t make you do it. 🙂
That’s a good question Deidre, and one we asked ourselves! Our midwife told us that their goal is to leave the house cleaner than they found it. Ask your midwife and I assume she will give you the same answer.
Our experience was that the midwife and her nurse assistant take care of all the mess – my hubs didn’t have to clean up anything! Part of my home birth supplies included a lot of those disposable waterproof pads, just like they use at the hospital. They use those to catch most of the mess during labor and just change them out and throw the dirty ones away as needed. They set up everything in my room so they could just clean up as they go. Also, I had a big stack of towels and washcloths that they used. Afterward, the nurse rinsed those out with hydrogen peroxide (to get rid of the blood stains) and even started a load of laundry before she left. Really, the mess was not a factor at all, and not something that should keep you from having a home birth, if that is what you desire! Talk to your midwife about it and hopefully she can answer your questions as well. Hope that helps, and let me know if you have any more questions!
~Emily
I had a home birth with my third and the reasons sound very similar to yours. I would not want to birth any other way myself!
It is really good to hear that you have a good homebirth experience. While reading your experience, it inspires me to try homebirth experience as well. You help me to understand why it is comfortable to labor at home such as you can be able to move at ease while in the house and your family members can be able to move freely and comfortable as well.
I want to commend you for choosing to give birth at home, and also for realizing that it’s not the right choice for every woman. I am older than most of your readers-my four children range in age from 14-22. My oldest was born in the hospital, but my last three babies were all born at home. I made the decision to try homebirth for many of the same reasons you mentioned, but also because it just really resonated with me when I first heard about homebirth (which was about 6 weeks after the hospital birth of my first son). It just seemed like the most natural, beautiful option to me–and then when I read up on it,I became even more convinced that it was right for me and my family. I love to hear about more and more young moms choosing to give birth at home! Thank you for sharing your story!
Thanks for sharing your story Jett!
My first two children were born at home and I have no other option in mind the next time. It is all in the hands of a woman and God if the home birth is possible.
That’s awesome that you had such a positive homebith experience. My daughter was born at home in the water over a year ago and it was one of the most amazing experiences I’ve ever had. I also read Ina May Gaskin’s books and saw “The Business of Being Born” and knew way before I even got pregnant that the last place I’d want to be for any of my prenatal care of birth would be the hospital. So despite the common tendency of nearly every woman I know to follow in the “OB/Hospital Path” I went my own direction and decided on a homebirth with a midwife.
Did people think I was crazy? Yes. Did people think it was dangerous? Yes. But I knew in my heart that it was what I needed to do to for me and my baby. It’s so nice to read about other natural mamas who have decided to have homebirths too. It’s makes you feel a little less “strange” and a little bit more like, “Hey someone else gets it too!”
Here’s the post on my blog where I shared a few of my favorite reasons as to why I chose to have a homebirth with a midwife: http://ashleysgreenlife.blogspot.com/2011/02/33-weeks-and-top-5-reasons-im-having.html
Thanks again for posting this and getting the word out there about how awesome homebirths are. ( :
Thanks for sharing your experience with us Ashley! Reading blog posts and stories of other homebirthing mamas definitely helped me to feel like I wasn’t alone in my decision too!
Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby! I’m glad that everything went smoothly. I agree that the “system” (traditional hospital birthing routine) has its flaws. I respectfully disagree, though, that the home is the best environment to give birth. Sure, it is the overall most relaxing and welcoming place to bring your child into the world, and we could all do without sleeping on those nasty hospital pads. but what happens in an emergency? Having the right doctors, nurses, equipment, monitors, etc.— I can’t imagine taking that away from my baby. No offense, but a doula doesn’t know squat compared to a trained, experienced OB (sorry you had a bad experience. But just as there are bad OB experiences, I’m guessing there are at least as many bad doula experiences). I realize that home births were the norm not too long ago, but so was polio, life expectancy of 54, outhouses and so on. Why decline a good thing? anyway, I’m not judging you. I’m just tired of hearing so many women hop on board the au natural birthing train like it was the coolest trend ever, and, whether they realize it or not, gain some totally unnecessary, over-inflated sense of “self” in the process, to the potential detriment to their baby’s health.
Hi Maggie,
I have to take issue with a few of your comments and respectfully clear some things up for you because your comment is so harsh. To begin with, this post is simply a story about my family’s move toward home birth, and how we came to that decision. I never made the statement that “the home is the best environment to give birth.” It was just the best environment for me, for this birth. This post is it not prescriptive for any other woman, I’m not telling anyone else that they have to do what we did, I am simply giving my reasoning, and how we came to the conclusion that we did. I believe that part of the problem with the hospital system is that women are not given complete and accurate information about things to make an informed decision for themselves, including the idea that by having my baby at home that I am somehow putting my baby in danger, and “taking (safety) away from my baby.” as you say. I want to encourage women to do their own reading and research on the safety of home births, birth and maternal outcomes, and what happens in the event of an emergency.
Secondly, this post was originally written for several of my readers who asked about how we came to the decision to have a home birth, so that’s what I was sharing.
Thirdly, I believe you don’t know the difference between a doula and a certified nurse midwife. They are not the same, and certified nurse midwives are just as trained and experienced in attending births as OBs are, in fact they may even have more experience, as many OB residents these days may never even have seen a completely natural birth. Again, I want to encourage women to do their own reading and research about the care of certified nurse midwives compared to an OB.
Also, I don’t believe declining a hospital birth is “declining a good thing”. Mother and baby outcomes are not necessarily better now that the majority of births are in the hospital, in fact the US has one of the highest maternal death rates of industrialized countries, and maternal morbidity rates are actually on the rise, not getting lower, that’s not what I would call a “good thing”.
Finally, when someone has to say they aren’t judging you, that probably means that they actually are. You were implying that I put my baby in danger, stated that I have an “unnecessary, over-inflated sense of self”, and implied that I’m encouraging other women to also put their babies in danger. That sounds a lot like judging to me.
I am always happy to have a respectful discussion about issues and topics here, but your comment was neither respectful, nor added anything helpful to the conversation. Thanks for taking the time to comment, but in the future I would ask that your tone and words match the type of respect that you expect others to treat you with.
Thank you,
~Emily
Thank you for sharing this! I feel like my journey has been a lot like yours and its helpful to hear of people who didn’t necessarily start out having 100% confidence in the process. I had my first at exactly 40 weeks and was given Pitocin to start the process because my midwife didn’t want me to go over my “due date” and walked in knowing I was going to have an epidural. Even after my daughters birth I wondered why anyone would opt for not having an epidural. Sometimes after that I saw business of being born and started doing my own research as well. It changed everything I felt about birth and most importantly my bodies ability in birthing my babies naturally. I had my second naturally, with a midwife, at the hospital. While my experience was good and I had an amazing nurse I was so unhappy with my midwife who actually runs a lot more like an OB then a midwife. I knew going into my second birth that I would prefer a homebirth but was having my natural birth in a hospital because my husband works in a hospital and that is where he would be most confident. I am hoping to get pregnant with my third baby by the end of the year and am hoping to get my husband on board with a home birth before then. I don’t want a home birth because I think it will be most comfortable for me (like implied in a comment above) but because I believe whole heartedly that as women, God gave us the ability to birth and I have 100% confidence in the process. It is a beautiful thing that we are blessed with as women and I believe in a situation with a healthy baby and healthy mom we should be able to make the choice of what is best for our baby. It isn’t about a trend for me and I doubt if it is about a trend for women who do it. I don’t think that a women would be able to follow through with a natural birth if it was just about doing what is popular. I believe that a home CAN be the best place for a mom and baby. (sorry about my rant! One of the quotes above I thought was very disrespectful to women who do natural/home births)
Do you have any suggestion on getting my husband on board? He works at the hospital as an engineer and so feels very strongly about the equipment that is used to monitor mother and baby. He is also worried about he cost of a homebirth since insurance wont cover it.
I’m due with our 5th in June, and we are having a home birth. I’ve had wonderful experiences with my other 2 pregnancies in the hospital, but felt that personal care was really lacking. I also labor pretty quickly and the nearest OB hospital is 45 minutes away.
I think as people are becoming more self-aware of their bodies {food, health care, etc} we are realizing that our bodies capable of incredible things.