This post is part of the Blue Bike Blog Tour, which I’m thrilled to be part of. To learn more and join us, head here.
In that moment, watching snow flurries fall against a redbrick backdrop out of a coffee-shop window in downtown Bend, I realized that unless our family made more intentional, proactive choices, instead of just constantly talking about wishing things weren’t so busy, we would go on forever wanting a different life. -Tsh Oxenrieder, Notes from a Blue Bike
In the late summer of 2013, my hubs and I decided we were fed up. Enough. Done. Over it.
Fed up with the hamster wheel we were spinning that defined our days; each day looking eerily similar to the day before it. Working, cleaning, eating, moving clutter around, spending time with our kids, looking for something lost in the clutter, sleeping, cleaning, staring at our piles of clutter – around and around we went.
All the time cursing the way we felt overwhelmed with our stuff, our house, our life. This was not the way we wanted to live.
We looked at each other and said, Enough! We have too much stuff. We feel like sardines as a family of five living in a 1200 sq. foot house, but we know we don’t really want a bigger house. We want less stuff.
We want room to breathe, and be, and just live with our family and in our home without the crushing weight of maintaining all this stuff around us all the time.
Fast forward six months, it’s January 2014. Some things have changed. We’ve gotten rid of bags of stuff – toys, clothes, shoes, kitchen items, and more. We held a garage sale, and gave away everything we didn’t sell. We’ve cleared off the surfaces in our kitchen, the kids bedroom, and our bedroom. We’ve organized and arranged our guest room/office/playroom/dumping ground. We’ve gotten rid of furniture and decided we like the way the rooms look with less stuff in them.
And yet we’ve turned around twice, during busy seasons of life, and found that really not much has changed at all. Everywhere we look there is more stuff again. The surfaces in our kitchen and bedrooms are no longer clear but covered with piles of stuff. The guest room/office/playroom has again becoming a dumping ground and no one could stay there if they wanted to. It’s not very conducive to working or playing. The stuff creeps back in and threatens to overtake us, again.
Why is it that our culture is so obsessed with stuff? And why does it hold seem to hold such strong power over us? It’s too hard to get rid of stuff and too easy to acquire more and more stuff, even when we don’t want to.
But what does stuff have to do with living a more intentional life, anyway?
Because for our family, our stuff takes up too much of our time and energy, and steals our joy. So then we don’t have time or energy to give to the things, really the people, who are most important to us. Having too much stuff, for us, takes away from our ability to live lives of purpose and passion, our desire to live with intentionality.
As I read through the first section, and skimmed over the subsequent sections, of Tsh Oxenreider’s new book, Notes from a Blue Bike, my head nodded along and my heart stirred.
I connected more dots as I interacted with my blog’s readers: almost everybody in my life stage—parents with kids at home craved a slower life. They, too, craved a more meaningful life, a life that made margin for doing nothing, for not bowing down to calendars, for saying yes to long walks with their kids and cooking seasonally from scratch because there was time. With few exceptions, we all wanted the same things. Living overseas doesn’t breed this yearning: it bubbles deep down, innately in our souls. As though we were somehow made for a slower life. –Notes from a Blue Bike
Our family wants to create margin in our lives. We want to live for the things, the people, the values that are most important to us.
We put a stake in the ground back in August and said, “Enough is enough.” But our life didn’t magically become less cluttered, less stressful and less overwhelming. We are still committed to that end, but we are learning that in order to live with intention we must make simplicity a continual priority in our lives.
We will do the hard work of simplifying, and the stuff will creep back in. But we will continue to push against it because we know this is how our family wants to live.
It will be hard work to fight back against both our own innate struggle to let go of our stuff, and the cultures constant drone that more stuff equals more happiness and a better life. But it will be worth it.
Once I heard the answer to my prayer, it was embarrassingly obvious: to live intentionally, we had to make intentional choices. And if we really wanted to live slower, as we had in the relationship-based culture of Turkey, it would mean living contrary to what the American culture surrounding us declared was normal. It would be hard, but living well doesn’t mean not doing hard things.” –Notes from a Blue Bike
One of the ways that we live with intention is by surrounding ourselves with inspiration and motivation for embracing the struggle of simplifying our lives. That’s why I cannot wait to dive into the rest of Tsh’s book. Reading along with both her family and a few other families’ journeys will be the encouragement I need when I feel like I want to quit.
Getting a glimpse of how other people are making this work in their day-to-day lives and in the midst of our American culture will provide me with hope that our family can do it too. And if these words are resonating with you and your family’s desire to live simpler, more intentional lives, then I want to recommend this book to you too.
Notes From a Blue Bike is written by Tsh Oxenreider, founder and main voice of The Art of Simple. Through small changes to the everyday things in our lives we can choose a life that better aligns with our values and passions. Grab your copy here.
And be sure to check out the trailer for Notes from a Blue Bike!
De-cluttering is a never ending process, isn’t it!? I think it works best this way though as going through things periodically makes it easier to part with things. Often I keep something and then a few months later at the next clear out I’m ready to part with it! Little and often is my moto when it comes to de-cluttering, rather that than a major once a year overhaul!
Yes! I am the same way – I’ll often think, “I really should get rid of this.” But I’m just not ready yet, then a few months later when I haven’t used it or thought about it all, I’m finally ready to let it go. Little and often is a great motto!
I’m a stay-at-home Mom by choice but also by having no choice. I’m a disabled Mommy to 6, and we were working toward the time I could be a stay-at-home Mom- BAM- smacked us in the face with a sudden combination of 3 genetic diseases that decided to show up simontneously, so in the beginning I was a “Stay at the Hospital” Mommy.. So, eventually I’m home, but also bed-ridden and dependent on others much more than I’d prefer- which is NEVER. I think of the “Old Me” ( no one goes through such a life changing experience without examining their past, who they were, who they are now, what they’ve lost (and gained) and where the future will take them, and how they realize that just because they have a disability doesn’t mean they’ve lost all of the ‘ABILITY’. It takes acceptance to get there. Not an easy task. Yes, I’ve experienced all of the Grieving Steps- even if you don’t realize it, if you have a major change in your life such as a debilitating one like mine, you are grieving. Took me a long time too. I’ve reached “Acceptance” in the last 6 months. One of the most amazing gifts I’ve ever received,
I bring all of this up to be relative to the topic , because had I changed and stopped working traditionally, my life would have as far from simplicity or intentionally living. I grew up up with two very violent, drug addict parents who had little time for the two children they unintentionally brought into their Marriage Tornado. My job was learned at a young age, I suppose, because I was granted two character traits I NEEDED- an instinct to recognize impending danger and to be able to stay calm in the midst of crisis to make a strategy, execute it and keep safe. More importantly, He gave me the ability to develop to form strong bonds and along with that bond- a fierce loyalty, feeling of responsibility, love, and doing whatever must be done without complaining. Of course, in this case, it was my younger brother. We are only 3 years apart, but those 3 years were so far apart. While these traits were necessary to get my brother and I successfully to adulthood, which happened by the Grace & Faith of God. My father was only home for a few days a month (Truck Driver- long distance) and he would pay the monthly bills if he remembered, which was often, and even back in 1984 life without electricity was difficult. By 10 years old, I was completely in charge of the household. My Dad would give my mother an unknown to me amount of money and he’d handle finances. She never knew it was me- back when we’d go to the electricity, water, cable etc, riding my bike, doing this. We never had a phone because there was an unpaid balance under 4 names/SSNs… My brother and I as well had ordered phones and never paid the bill- at age 5 and 3. Please. After 4 years without a phone, I finally told my grandparents and they paid the unpaid balance themselves. Both sides of my family all lived in the San Francisco Bay Area and we’d spend most of our summers. They recognized that someone was very wrong, tried to get guardianship several times, but because they didn’t see us as neglected because we had a clean house, food, attended school, and were “charming” children. Of course we did, but it wasn’t due to parents- me! I had laundry days, shopping days, clean up days, and I made dinner every night. Packed lunches, and made breakfast. When I graduated high school, I went and got an apartment and my brother, and while I worked and went to school and he was in high school. I don’t how I missed it, but a few years later I married a combination of my parents. Ten years of very abusive behavior behavior, with four beautiful, amazing children-I believe somehow I saw reality for a moment… My Ex-Husband had me off the ground by my neck against the wall, enough for my feet to dangle. I had one thing in the memory and I remember the moment as if it was yesterday. I wasn’t even a part- I looked at my kids and realized they react to these attacks- they were 7, 5, 3, and an 7 month old baby girl napping in her crib. My oldest, daughter, sat on the couch reading a book as if nothing was happening- now 17, she’s apologized ( heartbreaking she felt the need but she just had to wait and as soon as the fight was over, she’d practically run to her room, just had to wait to make sure I was okay), 3 year old boy always hid under the dining room table, blankets over him, he couldn’t see us, we couldn’t see him- it wasn’t happening- now at 13, the most doting, attentive, protective son, and my 5 year old daughter who has NO problems confronting issues- she lives in a world of blacks and whites- no gray- Values if Right and Wrong, with few exceptions- age 15 she’s even more invested. I said to myself- “If nothing changes, then nothing changes..” And of course the ” The true definite of of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Of course. I couldn’t take back the years they’d witnessed what I had considered normal, I was teaching them the same. I filed the next day. NOW I will get to the point. To know what a foreign concept “Living Intentionally’,”Simplicity”- I knew Webster’s definition but I didn’t know what it MEANT.
After weeks of hospitalizations, years of trying to treat me which has proven almost impossible. BUT, after all of the Tests God has given me, I’m still here- I’m a Fighter (figuratively) and Above ALL, a
SURVIVOR. I WILL get through this. I refuse that a God gave me this Path without a Plan. My first major lesson- the IMMENSE difference between BELIEVING in God and HAVING COMPLETE FAITH, in Him. I’m not sure HOW IT HAPPENED, but no one can tell me that it wasn’t a MIRACLE. I woke up- not a worry, I KNEW I had NO control, so I can focus on healing and fixing everyone else. They can handle their own issues. It was none of my business. For some reason, people have always confided in me. Even very graphic ones. I’d worry and meddle- they weren’t asking me to fix it- just listen. “Next lesson- “What Other People a Think of you is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.” I have no idea where these lessons came from, but this was crazy. Of course it’s MY BUSINESS! After all I’ve done! Chronic People Pkeaser- a counselor told me that I was the worst case of People Pleasing she’d seen. “You not only MEET everyone’s needs, you ANTICIPATE them!” She told me I was one of the most intense cases of a controlling, passive aggressive, selfish person she had met. WHAT????? I spent my WHOLE raising my children, and helping people!!!! Of course it’s annoying when they ask me and then don’t follow my advice or accept my help. She told me that I was ALL WRONG in what I wanted- “To Live a Happy Life”
Happiness, like sadness, excitement, anger, any emotion, is fleeting. What you need is SIMPLICITY- a life that you intentionally decide what will it will consist of. The controlling is so strong and when Faith arrived- away it went. Simplifying my life has been difficult. But, everyday I work hard. All of a sudden I realized I’d NEVER lived life without chaos and conflict… I didn’t know how to live without it. If life was calm, I’d create the chaos to put me back in my comfort zone. Finally, with the help of my Pastor I achieved TWO things I longed for- Acceptance of my illness, but more important ACCEPTANCE of the new me- and the quest to simplify our lives and realize things can be ruin your life, very few enhance it. Every day we remove 5 things from our cluttered life and each day my mind is more at Peace, Calmness, and Contentment. I think I’ve finally learned the answer. It’s all within else and no one can do it for you. I believe with all of my heart that had I never been so sick, I’d still be running is that spinning wheel.for me especially, life is too short. Forget running after Happiness- just enjoy it when you do find it. If you don’t, you create a tolerance and you need more and more to find it, and it will be harder to find. it will elude you. Look for your JOY & PASSION. They will never leave if you continue your simple life, which is far from “settling” in a negative way. Every day you find beauty, you are content, you don’t need elaborate vacations to be happy if you can’t afford it. You live within your means. And you realize that Big thing, little things, are ONLY Things. My goal is to never again waste time or energy chasing something that can be replaced with money, and also to never allow the loss of a thing that money can buy steal my joy. Blessed.
Jennifer